…has collectively lost its goddamned mind. i don’t know if people are just bored and lonely while stuck in their houses or if everyone is just drunk all of the time or if This Current Bullshit is actually harping on the last chord of people’s sanity but it feels like something has gone horribly awry in the collective american psyche.

i spent 15 minutes on the phone getting yelled at by some fran drescher-sounding woman whose indoor voice was a shout and who was Not Pleased At All with any of the answers i had for her non-law enforcement-related requests.

“well what is it that you actually do?” she asked, exasperated.

crime-type stuff lady.

just kidding. i babysit adults.

my realtor on the ground in florida is similarly affected. or at least i suspect he is since our relationship involves talking on the phone at least 50+ times a day which seems excessive.

now whenever i pick up my phone – without even looking – i’ll greet whoever with, “hello frank my bestie in florida!” and 57 times out of 60 i’m right. i call him my bestie after he expressed hurt feelings when i greeted him with “hello frank my realtor in florida!” because he has come to think of my husband and i more as friends which is what happens when you spend weeks talking to someone a hundred gazillion times a day.

since frank has decided that we’re his new besties i’ve decided to take advantage of this opportunity and enlist him as my boots-on-the-ground in florida (official title: Finder Of All The Things.) facilitating a 3,000 mile move involves a lot of logistics not the least of which is finding someone who can occasionally watch our pets, enrolling in a new gym and a new molly supplier.

did i just type that last one? ERASE. ERASE. ERASE.

anyway. everything is moving along more than smoothly. like, actually waaaaay smoother than we’d anticipated. not that it’s not busy. we’re drinking from a firehose and busy as hell but things are neatly falling into place in a way that has never happened in my life.

more later.